This past Friday a friend and I visited a “love doctor comedian” in the Union of K‐ State. I must say, I am not one that knows much about love and relationships, but this presentation definitely broadened my vision in that realm.
There were three keys to relationships that this “love Doctor,” named Grant, focused one. (1) Personal happiness, (2) Your relationship needs, (3) friendship.
The underlying ingredient to a happy relationship (whether with a significant other or friends and family), is personal happiness. DUH, right? As simple as this may sound, many of us have yet to conclude our journey of searching for our own personal happiness.
“How many of you are happy and joyful when you are with other people…great! Now, how many of you, once you get to being by yourself find that you are sad, anxious, or not driven? If that is you, then it means you haven’t found personal happiness yet.” –Grant (a.k.a. Love Doctor)
When Grant said the above statement it hit me like a freight train. That person he described is more common than we think. The person he described can be me sometimes. I find myself feeling uncomfortable and uneasy when I am by myself. Why? I’m not sure, but I am looking into it. Perhaps it is the conditioning our generation has had to be productive all the time. I feel more and more often people are becoming dependent on work and accomplishments to fill their happiness void, however that doesn’t work.
Just the other day my friend Morgan had read my blog regarding lent and “adding value” to your life. He asked me “Becky, how are you adding value to your life.” My response “I am learning to do the things I love again.” Painting, nature hikes, and photography are three hobbies I have put on the back burning since becoming extremely involved in extra‐curriculars in college. My hope is that I will once again learn to relax, and enjoy these self‐satisfying activities. We must learn at some point in our life that we must “feed ourselves in order to feed others.”
The second major point that this love doctor hit on was on your “relationship needs.” In every relationship you are in, not just the one with a significant other, there are needs. The successful relationships in life are the ones where both individuals involved understand the other person’s needs. For example, I have friend who is in a three year relationship with her high school sweetheart. He knows that she needs to see him nearly everyday, or at least talk to him. She knows that he is in need for his Thursday night bowling league with his guys. These are simple needs, yet important. When my friend doesn’t get a call from her boyfriend, she worries all night that something may be wrong. When he doesn’t have his guy nights he doesn’t get the friend interaction he needs.Perhaps in the early stages of a relationship we should be more conscious in making aware to the other person what our needs are. By doing this, we are setting ourselves up for success from the beginning. Waiting to address your needs may result in an undesired outcome.
The final point the doctor made was about friendship.
“Think of all those characteristics you look for in a best friend. Now, wouldn’t you want all those characteristics in your significant other?” –Grant
Good point. When I think of my closest friends they are empathetic, loyal, committed, honest, fun to be around, giving, and push me to be a better person. Grant had a point. Perhaps we should think of our best friends and what we like about them to find our perfect match. I know what you are thinking right now…Becky, that is way easier said then done. Yes, you are right, but that is what makes the end result so much more worth it.
No, this blog has not become a site to learn dating advice. Rather, how can we use these three points about relationships and apply them to all the people in our life. Find your own personal happiness so you can truly be happy with others, define your relationship needs up front, and finally, remember those qualities of friendship that you value so much and seek them in other people.