Infatuation with Pleasing

Four words…thank goodness it's summer!

Yes, I LOVE Kansas State, more than anything, yet sometimes you just need a break. Adults take vacations…us students-well we take the entire summer! Of course for many of us summer isn’t just laying around on a beach with a coconut drink in our hand.  As a matter of fact, I would say that the majority of students spend their summer making money working hard, or gaining valuable career experiences through internships. 

The summer is overall a great catalyst to remind ourselves of who it is we should really be pleasing.

You may be thinking, “What are you talking about? I please number one, myself and that is it!” Well, for most of us this is not true.

It is human nature to desire to please others and receive positive affirmation I return. That may mean striving to please your parents, teachers, boss,  or friends. However, does it ever get to the point where your infatuation with pleasing others takes over your life?

 

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a work meeting when my boss asked who would be available to work a Saturday for a special banquet. While the other employees waited to respond (I’m sure because they were thinking about their previous plans), I eagerly volunteered—thus cancelling out any other plans I had for the day.

 

It wasn’t until Friday this past when my boss asked me how the semester ended up for me? Somehow, that question spurred into a conversation about me spending time in areas I really deemed important verses always trying to please other first.

 

It was at this moment that I realized my infatuation with pleasing others.

 

Whether it is being the team leader in a group project or volunteering to work for others on my days off, I love serving others! This is good to an extent, yet too much of anything is bad.

 

During my recent reading in the book A Purpose Driven Life, I have come to really reflect on whom I am trying to please. It is important to be our best for everyone—yet it is also important to please the one that really matters. It feels great to have others praise your hard work, yet if your hard work is not serving something larger than yourself, larger than us, then is that really how you want to spend your energy?

 

As the summer begins, it is a perfect time to re-evaluate who we are trying to please. Forget about those expectations of your family, forget about those few percentages that make up your grade for six months of your entire life, and think about how you will please that relationship that it truly important to you?

 

What are my summer plans? Well, as of right now I am sticking around Manhattan for two more weeks to assist with the KS State FFA Convention, and then on May 31^st leaving town to serve in an internship with Cargill in Wichita KS doing corporate training. During my term in Wichita with Cargill I hope to gain a new insight into a career I may be interested in, but more importantly I hope to take the extra time working on personal improvement. My goal is to work on improving my personal discipline in mind, body, and spirit (no, I have not become a hippie, just some one interested in being the best me I can be).

 

This summer, choose to say no to your infatuation with pleasing everyone around you, and ask yourself how will you improve who you are as a person? How will you serve those who really matter to you? Don’t just let this summer be a break from classes, but really use it. How will you be a better person when you return to school? Who do you really want to be and how can you get there?

 

I'll be working on it….will you take part in this journey? The choice is yours. 

Here is to you!

People walk in and out of our lives, but only true friends leave footprints on your heart. 

Finals week is here! No only are many of us students wishing we had doodled less in class and listened more, but we are also realizing that the summer is nearing! Exciting...but also a bit sad. This Saturday is KSU Graduation, a time where friends celebrate their hard work and relationships they have built the past years. 

Although I am not graduating, some of my dear friends are. To those of you who will be leaving us here at KSU to join the "real-world workforce," thank you. You will always be with me in my heart-I couldn't ask for better friends. 

For those of you staying around...can't wait to create more KSU memories together and enjoy living in the purple city just a little bit longer! 

A Snapshot of You

Every Wednesday I attend a two-hour leadership course at Kansas State University called “Leadership in Practice.” This Wednesday was our final class, and a powerful one at that.

Heather, one of our teachers, decided to show us one of her favorite inspirational videos called “Celebrate what is Right with the World.” It is a story told by a National Geographic photographer who has learned many different life lessons through his photo shoots across the world.

While watching this clip, I couldn’t help but jot down quotes the photographer made about his journeys.  Here are just a few of my favorites:

 

“You won’t see it until you believe it”

 

“Celebrate what is right with every situation”

 

“Be the best YOU for the world”

 

“Light shines not on us, but from within us”

 

“Change equals possibilities. Times of change have the most potential.”

 

“It is on the edge where we find the wings to take us higher”

 

“There is a difference in living for success and for significance”

 

While the photographer made MANY good points, there are two that really stuck in my mind: 1) Be the best YOU for the world, and 2) It is on the edge where we find the wings to take us higher.

 

1)   Be the best YOU for the world.

Yesterday I bought and began reading the book called A Purpose Driven Life. The title is pretty self-explanatory as to what the books point is all about. What is your purpose here on earth?

The first chapter mentions how we are all put here on this planet to fulfill a specific purpose. You were no accident, but rather specifically created to serve this world in a unique way only you can. Every talent you have, skill you develop, personality trait you posses, and even your appearance has been designed to help you serve your purpose. 

Our photographer friend found his purpose photographing the world to share with others. He mentions how he strives to find the unique beauty in every situation—he knows it is there he just has to find it.  He changes his angels and point of view to shoot an even better picture for his audience to enjoy. Our photographer friend strives to improve for the world, not for himself.

In order to find and fill your purpose you must strive to improve yourself not for you, but for the world. Who are you to keep all your god-given gifts to yourself? They are meant to be shared to make this world a better place.

So, in times you are seeking motivation—think of the world. Those people living right next to you each day should be your motivation, your reasoning for working hard and striving for continuous growth. Even if you don’t know what exactly your purpose is yet, that is ok, by improving yourself eventually it will all fall into place.

2)   It is on the edge where we find our wings to take us higher.

Two weeks ago I saw a clip from a commercial for Honda engines. It has a race car driver talking about taking racing to the limits. She mentioned how there is a find line between going your fastest to win the race and driving to the point of recklessness. Every time she practices she pushes that  boundary, taking it to the point where she is as close as she can be to driving without crashing the car, and then she goes just a little bit farther. This is what the truly successful car drivers must do to continue to improve. Push to your limit, and then push just a little but harder to create a new dividing line for next time.

 

No, I am not telling you to go out and start drag racing the first person you see. Rather use this theory of “pushing to the edge” in other areas of your life. Perhaps you do this by deciding to run that extra mile you feel you are too exhausted to run. Maybe you take on a new project at work that stretches your current knowledge base.  Possibly you make a decision to take a heavier course load of classes next semester and make the commitment to study a set amount of hours a week.

 

If we are always on stable ground, we will never find the wings to really take off and fly into something even better than what we are experiencing now.  Settling for status quo is boring! Push yourself and feel the job of achieving a new bench mark in your overall goals!

 

Think about it…

 

Be the Best YOU for the World,

and

Push Yourself  to the Edge and Find the Wings to take You Higher.

Say Yes and Enjoy!

The name of this website’s collection of blog is “Choose to Live.” This was spurred by my personal mission statement which is centered around making those daily choices to live life—take hold of as many opportunities as possible and embrace the experiences!

This is one of the ways I strive to live my life, but like everyone, we are not always perfect.

The past few weeks I have found myself saying yes  to more and more work/club related activities. Somehow if there is a group project in a class, I receive the automatic “leader of project” status and add yet another task on my check list. For those over-achievers like myself, this sounds wonderful at the time. We can go for weeks working our tail off and feeling good because we are productive; however, there comes a point where that brick/steal double plated wall smacks you in the face! You suddenly realize that you have been saying “yes” to too many of the wrong things. YES should come more often with those experiences that don’t go on your task list, but rather on your calendar as an exciting event you can’t wait for!

This Saturday night after a long week of work and meetings, I decided to take a personal night. I went to a redbox and rented the movie “Yes Man,” with Jim Carey. First off, anything with Jim Carey can put a smile on my face, so that was a bonus before the movie even began! Second, whether you are a movie person or not, this movie has a message everyone should hear!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes I picked up on:

“You say yes to the world and you will receive yes in return.

When you say yes to things, you embrace the impossible."  –“Yes Man” program Creator

“When you say no, you say no to life."  –“Yes Man” Program Creator

“Every time an opportunity presents itself, you will say yes."  –“Yes Man” program Creator

“The world is a playground! We knew this as children but some how we forgot it.” –Girl Jim Carey Likes

The core message of the “Yes Man” movie is the get out of your normal routine and say yes to new experiences! My favorite quote was said by the character in the movie who Jim Carey ends up liking. She relates the world to a playground. For some reason, the older we get the more professional-minded we are conditioned to be. Because of this, we often forget about just how fun the simplest of activities can be. Swinging in an old tire swing, having a water fight, rolling around in the mud, or even just taking a hike and appreciating the beauty that surrounds you.

 

The key to stepping onto that playground we call the world…you must say yes. This doesn’t mean say yes to more work-related activities, no, I am talking about saying yes to those non-work and life-fulfilling engagements. The next time a friend asks you to go for a walk or dress up goofy for a movie premiere—say yes. Even when you think you want to say no, once you go you will not regret it.

IDEAS TO TRY:

-Take a Hike and see a sunset/sunrise

-Go to the park and play on the playground—they aren’t just there for kids!

-Start a book-study with friends

-Sign up for a run/walk that benefits a non-profit group

-Take a day for just you and some friends! Go fishing, shopping, take a road-trip, etc.

-Learn to play an instrument

-Hang out with that acquaintance you see in class each day; ask them out to coffee

-Do something random and special for a friend

-Buy flowers for your bedroom

-Have a dinner party with friends

 

I am guilty of being struck with the “over-achiever syndrome.” Yet, the important things is to be aware of when these over-committed times come and work to fix the way you spend your time. Why? Simple, because your happiness depends upon it.

 

Today, find time to say yes to a rejuvenating, fun, and out-of the-box life experience and “Choose to Live.”

 

 

Connectedness--Power to Change the World

You’ve probably heard the saying that we are all six people away from knowing everyone in this world. Just this past year I met someone who is good friends with Chuck Norris’s mom, a person who has a friend that is related to Osama Benladen, and the neighbor of  Randy Owen from the country band Alabama. Through the people we know, and they people that they know, we could be connected to all 6.8 billion people on this earth.

Right now you may be thinking “Well that is neat Becky. But why should I really care?”

You should care because of this fact’s power.

For example…

Yesterday I was sitting in my boss’s office when one of my friends, Ashley, walked entered. Being a girl, I naturally looked down at her shoes (yes, I know, don’t make fun of my feminine behaviors).

“Are those TOMs Ashley?!"

“YEA! You have any, because if not you totally need to get some!”

With a confused face, my boss interrupted “What are these TOM shoes?”

 

Ashley then went on to tell us in the office about how TOM shoes is a company created to provide footwear for children in third world countries. TOM Shoes have a “One for One” philosophy. For every pair of shoes purchased, they provide a pair of shoes to a child in need.

 

I had heard about TOM shoes before, yet never really took the action to go online and order a pair. Seeing Ashley sporting her canvas green TOMS reminded me that this is something I had been wanting to do for some time. On their website (www.tomeshoes.com) it talks about how 4 out of the 6 billion people in this world live in conditions unthinkable to most.

A man named Black Mycoskie traveled to Argentina and found that many of the children there had no shoes. In order to reach food, water, and medical care they would often walk many miles barefoot. It was after Black’s experience in Argentina that he grouped together a group to create the TOM Shoes company. Today, TOM Shoes has delivered over 140,000m pairs of shoes to those in need. In 2009 their goal is to reach 300,000 shoes.

How is TOM Shoes going to be able to reach this goal to help our world’s children? Two words, our connectedness. When one person buys a pair of TOM shoes, they have the capability to wear that pair and share the story with their friends and family. Just as Ashley caught my eye and encouraged me to buy a pair of TOMS, you can do the same. If we are all truly six people away from knowing everyone in this world, why don’t we use that statistic to the advantage of others?  Why don’t we use our connections to others to serve those in more need than ourselves?

Just today, after doing my research, I have ordered my first pair of TOM shoes! They should be arriving to my house later this week, and when they do, you better believe I will be sporting the fashion of service and spreading the word!

Thank you to Ashley, and ALL those who use the power of our interwoven lives to promote the importance of helping others. All of us in this world, no matter our heritage, language, color, or demographic location, are connected somehow. Make the choice to serve our brothers and sisters, even in the smallest ways. Who knows, it could all start with a pair of shoes. J

Spring Break--A Humbling Experience

What if you had nothing? Nothing tangible that is. No car, computer, ipod, credit card, clothes, pictures of loved ones, or place to call home. Think about your happiness. Would you be as happy as you are today with all these things? Or perhaps, just maybe, you could be happier?

As hard as it is for some of us to comprehend, happiness is possible even in the most unfortunate of situations.

This past week, many college students across the nation celebrated the well known holiday of…SPRING BREAK!!!  Some students headed to the beaches, others to the slopes for skiing, myself and nine other KSU students traveled to Dallas Texas for what we call an “Alternative Spring Break.” An easier way to put it, a mission trip. We spent a week at a retreat center at night, and volunteering at an array of different groups droning the day.

 

One of the highlights for many of the student on the trip was our time spent at Austin Street Homeless Shelter. For two days we prepared and served lunches to about 150 homeless people. After we had handed out all the lunches, we had time to talk with a few of the homeless present, and eventually play BINGO with them!

 

I must admit, the first day we pulled up to the shelter located it what many of us would call a “sketchy” part of town, I was scared. Never, EVER had I just gone up and made conversation with a homeless person—much less for hours at a time!

 

“Becky, suck it up! You LOVE people! These people are just like anyone else, and probably have some more interesting stories than most!” --(Me talking to myself before we entered the shelter.)

 

The fear that I originally had soon disappeared as we began to talk with the cheerful and appreciative homeless. Every time I handed one of them their lunch they would say comments like “Thank you SO much,” or “Thank you, God bless you!” WOW! My favorite comment was when I asked one lady coming through the line how her day was going. Her response was “Wonderful! Every day is wonderful from the moment I wake up.”

 

This woman, who has absolutely nothing to her name but the little duffle bag on her cot in the shelter has the ability to wake up each morning and be happy. Amazing. After making some new friends at the shelter I took a lot of time to reflect. How many times do we wake up in a bad mood because we didn’t finish everything on our to-do list from the day before. How often do we allow a small interruption in our calendar get us stressed and upset? I don’t know about you, but I most definitely can slide into these traps of feeling pessimistic verses optimistic.

My new homeless friend, “sister” was what she told be to call her, gave me a smack in the face! Don’t let the past or the small uncontrollable factors in life get you down! Yes, we have heard this advice before, but it never hit me as hard as when sister said it. Most of us are very blessed to have a roof over our head, friends and family there for us if we need them, the ability to buy food when we are hungry, and for some of us, even perks like laptops and cell phones.  Don’t let these tangible items fool you. It doesn’t take material items to make you happy. Happiness is a choice, a choice only you can make! 

If someone who has nothing can wake up each morning and see the silver lining, why can’t we do the same? This week, try not to focus on the minuscule tasks that stress you out, but rather see the bigger picture. What is really, and I mean really important? Love, service, health, relationships…what reasons to you have to be happy? The more you think about it, the more blessings you will find you have then you realized before.

 

 

 

 

 

The Love Doctor is In!

This past Friday a friend and I visited a “love doctor comedian” in the Union of K‐ State. I must say, I am not one that knows much about love and relationships, but this presentation definitely broadened my vision in that realm.

There were three keys to relationships that this “love Doctor,” named Grant, focused one. (1) Personal happiness, (2) Your relationship needs, (3) friendship.

The underlying ingredient to a happy relationship (whether with a significant other or friends and family), is personal happiness. DUH, right? As simple as this may sound, many of us have yet to conclude our journey of searching for our own personal happiness.

“How many of you are happy and joyful when you are with other people…great! Now, how many of you, once you get to being by yourself find that you are sad, anxious, or not driven? If that is you, then it means you haven’t found personal happiness yet.” –Grant (a.k.a. Love Doctor)

When Grant said the above statement it hit me like a freight train. That person he described is more common than we think. The person he described can be me sometimes. I find myself feeling uncomfortable and uneasy when I am by myself. Why? I’m not sure, but I am looking into it. Perhaps it is the conditioning our generation has had to be productive all the time. I feel more and more often people are becoming dependent on work and accomplishments to fill their happiness void, however that doesn’t work.

Just the other day my friend Morgan had read my blog regarding lent and “adding value” to your life. He asked me “Becky, how are you adding value to your life.” My response “I am learning to do the things I love again.” Painting, nature hikes, and photography are three hobbies I have put on the back burning since becoming extremely involved in extra‐curriculars in college. My hope is that I will once again learn to relax, and enjoy these self‐satisfying activities. We must learn at some point in our life that we must “feed ourselves in order to feed others.”

The second major point that this love doctor hit on was on your “relationship needs.” In every relationship you are in, not just the one with a significant other, there are needs. The successful relationships in life are the ones where both individuals involved understand the other person’s needs. For example, I have friend who is in a three year relationship with her high school sweetheart. He knows that she needs to see him nearly everyday, or at least talk to him. She knows that he is in need for his Thursday night bowling league with his guys. These are simple needs, yet important. When my friend doesn’t get a call from her boyfriend, she worries all night that something may be wrong. When he doesn’t have his guy nights he doesn’t get the friend interaction he needs.Perhaps in the early stages of a relationship we should be more conscious in making aware to the other person what our needs are. By doing this, we are setting ourselves up for success from the beginning. Waiting to address your needs may result in an undesired outcome.

The final point the doctor made was about friendship.

“Think of all those characteristics you look for in a best friend. Now, wouldn’t you want all those characteristics in your significant other?” –Grant

Good point. When I think of my closest friends they are empathetic, loyal, committed, honest, fun to be around, giving, and push me to be a better person. Grant had a point. Perhaps we should think of our best friends and what we like about them to find our perfect match. I know what you are thinking right now…Becky, that is way easier said then done. Yes, you are right, but that is what makes the end result so much more worth it.

No, this blog has not become a site to learn dating advice. Rather, how can we use these three points about relationships and apply them to all the people in our life. Find your own personal happiness so you can truly be happy with others, define your relationship needs up front, and finally, remember those qualities of friendship that you value so much and seek them in other people.